Ms. Louvenia lives in the big ol' yellow house that sits back off the road. She's been livin' there all her life. Her folks passed on, but don't be feellin' sorry for her. She takes care of herself, she's got herself a job.
She's a Professional Mourner. The way that come about was people thought she did such a fine job when her dog died, (everybody knows how she hated that dog). So first one asked, then another. Pretty soon she had her own little business, which has grown by leaps and bounds.
She may have to hire somebody to answer the phone. She even has business cards. They're real inspirational. Black back ground with silver lettering. She designed them herself. This business was meant to be. Besides, she always did think she looked good in black.
Now she works funerals as far away as Gopher Run. As you can tell, she's definitely in demand. She'll do any funeral, but she does her best work if she knows a little somethin' sad about the family. Doesn't have to be much, just enough to get her inspired.
For backup, she carries a little book of Sad Stories. She's on Volume II, wore out the first one. If she's havin' trouble gettin' the right mood of the funeral, she just reads a few pages for inspiration. Every little bit helps.
And she does like to give them their money's worth. I know you're dying to know what she charges. Well, that depends on whether the family wants her to wear all black, sit on the front row, and how loud they want her to mourn. She tries to be fair, but her clothes are not cheap. She tries not to strain her voice. Why she may have to work two funerals in one day.
She's a busy person. She likes to visit the hospital at least once a week to hand out business cards. You never know who will be needing her. She has to take care of her career. Here, take her card. You just never know when you'll be needin' her services....
© 1989 to 2011 PJ Hornberger